Why Naming All Your Children as Co-Executors or Co-Trustees Might Invite Conflict ...and How Smart Estate Planning Can Keep the Peace
We deal with this subject all the time with our clients - It’s a common impulse: “I love all my children equally—so I’ll name them all as my Agents.” The goal to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings with estate planning documents is noble, but the practical consequences of appointing multiple children as co-Executors or co-Trustees can be anything but peaceful.
Equal Authority Doesn’t Mean Equal Agreement
When siblings share fiduciary roles, they’re expected to make joint decisions—whether it's distributing assets, selling property, or managing trust income. But equal authority can lead to:
Stalemates over major decisions, especially if personalities and values clash. It’s even more common when siblings are in different financial situations.
Delays in administration, which frustrate beneficiaries and potentially violate fiduciary timelines.
Micromanagement and mistrust, when each party second-guesses the other’s actions or intentions. This can lead to problems in sibling relationships – it’s incredibly common and something that we always try to avoid by using careful planning.
Emotional Baggage Meets Legal Responsibility
Grief and money are a potent mix. Co-fiduciaries are often called to serve while mourning—and old wounds tend to surface:
Sibling rivalries can resurface, especially if there's a perception of favoritism or unequal treatment.
Different financial philosophies—one child wants to preserve assets, another wants to liquidate or has an urgent need for cash.
Uneven workloads, when one child is local and engaged, while another is remote or less available – relationships can suffer.
Every Role Requires a Different, Important Skillset
Being an Executor or Trustee is a technical role:
It demands legal knowledge (or delegation to a legal expert), attention to detail, and emotional neutrality.
It’s not just about love—it’s about competence, honesty, and sticking to a job until it’s finished.
Even well-meaning siblings can disagree, turning a legal obligation into personal friction.
How Thoughtful Estate Planning—and Trusts—Can Prevent the Drama
Estate planning isn’t just about naming names—it’s about creating a framework that makes administration easier and conflict less likely. Consider:
Revocable living trusts that avoid probate entirely, reducing public exposure and court oversight.
Clear, professional trustee designations to sidestep emotional friction.
Advance planning for incapacity, such as powers of attorney and medical directives, to limit disputes before they start.
Specificity in your documents, like distribution terms and no-contest clauses, to prevent interpretation battles.
By avoiding probate, families can save time, money, and stress—while preserving relationships. When assets pass through a trust, administration tends to be smoother, more private, and less prone to disputes than when assets are probated under a Will.
Alternatives That Preserve Peace
Instead of naming multiple children jointly, consider:
Choosing one child who is best suited to the task, and clearly explaining the decision ahead of time.
Appointing a neutral professional, like a trust company or attorney, to remove emotional bias.
Establishing clear succession planning in case the primary fiduciary cannot serve.
Estate planning isn’t just about dividing assets—it’s about leaving a legacy of clarity and peace. Sometimes the best way to honor all your children is by making tough choices and putting together a plan that will avoid conflict, court delays, and ensure your family and assets are protected. If you’d like to get started on your estate plan, give Wakefield Law a call – 703.771.9740.